Dealing with Someone Who Has Lost Their Mind

For those of you who are unaware, I’ve been dealing with some family issues. Two of my family members have dementia. It’s very frustrating and stressful to everyone in my family.

Some days there is lucidity. Some days it’s the same question 30 times in the same hour. Most days it flip-flops from lucidity to confusion, to anger, to self-doubt, to talk of suicide and ending this madness, with the same questions being asked over and over again.

Did she not hear me? Do I need to raise my voice? Do I need to physically show her what I’m talking about instead of trying to explain? Do I need to write this down? Should I just do this myself? Does it even matter if she’s just going to forget? Why am I getting yelled at? How do I stop this?  Why do I even bother?

Patience is needed and necessary. There is never enough. There is a lot of walking away and thinking it over. Holding hands. Deep breaths. Tears. Then, wash, rinse, repeat. There is no answer, but because there is love you make it through the day. The sun rises again and you hope for a good day. So really dealing with someone who has lost their mind should be just like every other day. It starts with light and is filled patience and love.

The Great Purge of 2012

One day about three weeks ago, I hit the wall. The crescendo of chaos had hit the climax. I was done! Sh*t had to go and guess what? BOOM!!!! Gone!!!

The next day was a Monday morning, I had planned to start a 10-day juice fast that morning so I got up and I juiced. While sipping on some lovely pineapple, mango, carrot juice, I resigned from two volunteer positions, put another on hold until I could figure out how to fit it into my life, and then set some priorities to finish work committed to two other organizations so I could bid them adieu as well. I tried to work but it wasn’t happening. At lunchtime, I decided I had better things to do, so I told my boss I’d see him tomorrow. I then went home juiced some more. While sipping on some lovely kale, cucumber, and apple juice, I went on-line, picked out the car I had wanted to buy for the last four years, drove to the dealership and traded in my 9-year-old car with more than 150K miles on it, a leaky sunroof, and a check engine light that kept wanting to stay on not matter how much the repairs cost me. I drove away in my shiny new car with bells and whistles, because I wanted to!!! On my way home, I stopped at the salon and cut off all my hair. I got home around 7 and basically, I juiced. And while sipping on some lovely tomato, cucumber, zucchini juice, I dragged a bunch of boxes and bags from around the house to the basement to be donated.

All this happened two-days after the full moon. I harnessed the power of the waning moon and took this opportunity to purge, to detox, and to cleanse. More items were added to the donation pile, people that drained me where given the heave-ho, more commitments were wrapped up. Life was getting lighter. I made it through my juice fast (a future post will be about how amazing that experience was!). I ended this period of purging with a mini-vacation to visit the place of my birth. I reconnected with family and old friends, and spent time with the spirits of the land and my ancestors. I also had to deal with some heavy family issues that are ongoing, but it was clear what I had to do and what my role was. I felt that I added some value and comfort to my family’s situation. For the first time in the 12 years I’ve been living in Maryland, I returned from the long drive relaxed and refreshed, though maybe that has to do partially with the new shiny car and its cozy bucket seats and the smooth ride.

I’ve been back for just over a week and I see now that I also have more clarity and a heightened awareness of what is good and what is bad in my life. Now that the layers of toxins have been removed from my all my bodies, I’m more sensitive. I react more quickly because it’s easier to see and sense.  It’s like a dusty coffee table. When you clean it off, it’s nice and shiny. Then you notice a speck of dust here and there until it’s just dusty, though it keeps gathering dust. When you finally clean it off, you realize how thick the layer had become. Well, whether it’s ingesting dairy or hearing someone else’s ill-intentioned words, things that are toxic to any one of my bodies now are immediately noticeable and I can deal with them before they stick around and weigh me down again. Right now, I’m clean and shiny, and I intend to stay that way!

There is more that needs to go, but I’m also rebuilding, which is helping me set priorities on what else needs to be purged, as well as what should remain and what I need to add to make my life full. I’ve known for a while that I give too much. Now it is clear that I can no longer do that and remain strong and vibrant. I still love to help people, but I need to make sure I replace what was given with energy that serves me.

I use the word shiny a lot in this post. I like shiny. Shiny is good. May we all dig deep and get rid of what doesn’t serve us. May be all find what makes us shine.

Pagans Don't Fit in Neat Little Boxes

The problem with making generalizations in any community is that everyone is really different. And in no other of my communities is there such a diverse variety of people than in my Pagan community. We are so diverse we can't even come up with a singular definition of Paganism. We are definitely a community of individuals.

That's why it's so hard for me to buy into the Pagan stereotypes. The Poor Pagans, the Party Pagans, the Poly Pagans, and the Fat Pagans.The beauty of Paganism, to me, is that there are no rules and that everyone is accepted and welcomed. It springs internal from each and everyone of us!

I know people who feel strongly that veganism is part of their spiritual path, while others that tear into a turkey leg at the Renaissance Festival like they're an ancient Viking or Genghis Khan at a Mongolian Barbeque. I know Pagans that make 6 figures and others that make $6 an hour. I don't even know from where these stereotypes come. Maybe it's that I just happen to be out and about in the community and know a lot different Pagans from a lot of different groups/paths/traditions, etc. But, trust me, no one is like another around here.

I'll admit, when I first entered the Pagan community I did notice some people that would be considered morbidly obese. As a marketer and fundraiser for several Pagan organizations, it does seem like a bit more of a struggle to get Pagans to commit funds. I know Pagans that are polyamorous, monogamous, and, gasp, even celibate!!!  I also just realized after about eight years in the community, that some people are here for the festivals and celebrations and not deep spiritual development, because, well, we're all on our own path. Therefore, we're all seeking something and open to the Pagan experience. If I may make a generalization, I personally do feel that my Pagan community is the most supportive of all my communities. I've had a tough year, as so many others on this planet have, and these people have got my back.

And if I'm gonna stereotype, why not hang out with a Fat Pagan, because they can whip up some mean fixin's for feasting and some yummy grounding snacks. And those Poor Pagans, well, they're pretty crafty and all, since they can't afford to buy stuff. Umm, NO!! It's because my Pagan friends are beautiful people with amazing gifts and talents.

Instead of making generalizations, if we see an issue in the Pagan community let's start something to address these issues of our over-culture from the Pagan perspective. Lead a meditation to help people make the mind-body to learn how to best serve their physical bodies and their health.  Lead or sponsor a class on relating to money as Earth energy. Plan an healing ceremony or recommend a good spiritual counselor if someone is truly in trouble.


Paganism to me is a journey of self-discovery, and a self-defined faith. I may be in a practicing spiritual group, but my experience in a ritual could be totally different and that experience and the guidance and gifts we received are unique to each one of us in the universe. This makes us different than other spiritual/religious communities and I know it makes me, and all of us, better people, better Pagans and a better Pagan community members.

To all my Pagan friends and loved ones, thank you for being you. And if you find yourself in need, if you think you might have a problem, if you want some support and guidance... I got your back, too!

The Burden of Intuition

One of my magickal gifts is that see it like it is. I don't glamour very easily. I look at people and situations and really see them. I don't need a crystal ball or a tarot card. I get immediate information. I see the core. I see the outcome. Sometimes I'm in denial of what I see and make excuses to my own sake and that of others, because the truth is too uncomfortable with which to deal. But I've recently accepted that at this point, I've been right too many times. I wish I wasn't. It sucks.

When before me someone who is lovestruck or dumbstruck, I see how it's gonna turnout. Or, a new person is introduced into a group of friends. Immediately, my internal alarms go to DEFCON1 and all my deflector shields go up. I know this person's intentions, I know this person is going reek havoc in a major way and that the aftermath is going to be painful and permanent. I may try to express my concerns, but they often fall on deaf ears, or worse, I'm vilified for being cynical and negative and judgmental.

I also get so frustrated with those that surround the situation, too. How do they NOT see it? I swear I just want to smack people and scream, "Open your eyes! How can you be supportive of this? This is NOT a good thing! Don't you see this disaster in the making!"

Unless a situation gets to the point of physical or emotional harm or becomes criminal, my mouth remains shut and I just try to position myself someplace where I can maintain my sanity. Unfortunately, I often can't just sit by and watch the situation unravel. So, I find myself pulling away, but remaining close enough to be there to listen when things go bad. It's all I can do.

When the truth comes to light, it is not necessarily a joyous moment. Being right in these situations doesn't boost my ego--I don't get ever any satisfaction from an "I told you so." It makes my heart ache more because I couldn't stop it from happening. I want to fix everything all the time. I want to help people. I want to make them feel better. But I'm just me, I can't, and really, nor should I. These are the life lessons of others. It's part of their experience and it's not my place to change their journey.

But, then there's the good. The person I meet that I instantly just know is going to have an amazing impact on my life. The friend with a possibly scary diagnosis that I know is going to be just fine. The idea a colleague has for a business that I know is going to be a success. The couple that I just know are gonna make it. In these cases, I still have to keep my mouth shut, and I'll tell you what...sometimes that's even harder to do!\

Why I Joined a CSA and Why You Should Too

I'm now two weeks into my CSA share, which is short for Community Supported Agriculture, a CSA is basically a share in a farm’s crop for a season.

Many CSA farms also have farm stands, where you can get local produce without joining a CSA, or as a supplement to your share. But a CSA is called a share for a reason. It’s a collective. You pay upfront, so you are actually supporting the operations of the farm. You are investing in the farm for that season. Generally, if the farm has a great week, you might get extras in your crate. Other than guaranteed fresh veggies, here are the other reasons I signed up, and why everyone should consider doing so.

It tastes and is better.

Chances are by the time something reaches your grocery store from some far away foreign country, days or weeks have past. Nutrients have degraded. So has the moisture content. You can tell by the color and smell. This means the flavor has degraded too. This means not as yummy and juicy. When was the last time you bought a tomato at the grocery store that was bright red on the inside and out? That you could smell while it was stilling on the counter? That spilled red, tomato-y juiciness when you cut it open and not a few drops of clear water. Or a cucumber that didn’t look like wax paper or green beans that actually made a snapping sound when bit into them? 

You make better eating decisions.

Every week you get your crate. You have all this produce. If you’re like me, you hate to waste it. So, I’m going to be more likely to cook because I have food in the house. I’m more likely to cook healthy, but I have healthy food in the house.  Because I cook it myself, I know exactly what and how much I’m eating. So I'm not eating the preservatives and chemicals I would be likely to eat take-out food and prepackaged food, which also has added fat and salt and who knows what to make it taste good. I’m also less likely to have pre-packaged food in my pantry and fridge, because I have to have a place to put all these fruits and vegetables.

You learn to get creative in the kitchen.

I think the most popular comment I’ve heard from first-time CSA participants is this: "What do I do with all this kale?" Well, you go on the internet and you look up recipes. And you substitute kale for other green leafy vegetables, like spinach and cabbage, in some of your recipe. Sauteed Kale in Olive Oil in Garlic tastes just as good as spinach, and Colcannon with kale is amazingly delicious. You can also get creative and come up with your own recipes, so (shameless plug alert) you should follow my recipe blog over here: http://whatmariamade.blogspot.com/ 

It’s good for my economy.

My bunch of kale from a local farm still costs less than it does from a large commercial farm. When I buy from a local farm, I’m buying it direct from the producer, so there are no middle men. I’m not paying for it to be transported; I’m not paying a mark-up to a store that sells it.

While the saving may be only dollars per week, it adds up for me for the course of 22 weeks, as well as for my community. Look at the big picture. The farm owners pay local people to work at the farm stand, the owners and employees shop at the same stores I do, eat at the same restaurants, contribute to the tax-base of my town, county, and state, therefore supporting the schools, infrastructure, and services where I live. We are part of and support the same community.

There is less impact on the environment.

My CSA is about 1 mile from my house. I get 30 miles to the gallon in my car. In round-trips for the 22 weeks of my CSA, I will use less than 1½ gallons of gas getting my food.  Plus, it’s actually closer to me than my closest grocery store. A box truck gets about 10 miles to the gallon, a semi, less than 7 mpg. Do the math.

People don’t usually consider the environmental impact of processing, let alone transporting their food. Think of what went in to getting you that lettuce from Mexico, or that garlic from China. Yes. China. Did you know 60% of the US supply of apple juice comes all the way from China? That’s stuff is bulky and heavy. Think about the carbon footprint of your food next time you’re at the grocery store. It all counts. You may take public transportation to work, but with that glass of juice, you may as well be driving a Hummer.

Not everyone can have a CSA so close, but there are enough out there, with a variety of pick-up and delivery options, that you can surely find one that will work for you. And that pick-up truck that drives from the farm 30 miles out of the city to the pick-up point down the street from your house, gets better gas mileage than a delivery truck.

CSAs are better for the environment and you because, local farms tend to use…

Less chemicals and freaky stuff.

Small farms, while they can’t always afford to get certified as organic from the USDA, or their state board of agriculture, generally follow more sustainable farming practices. This doesn’t include a lot of harsh pesticides or chemical fertilizers. These practices are expensive and small farms cannot afford to abuse the land by using harsh chemicals.

They also are generally hands-on so they can keep an eye on what is going on with the crops and immediately rectify situations before they become problems.

The best part is this, if you have questions about pesticides, fertilizers, or GMO plants and seeds, guess what? You can actually ASK THE GROWER!!! And guess what, they will know the answer because they planted the seeds, they feed and watered the plants. That’s the person that grew YOUR food! You can ask them to their face. They will probably even show you how it's done.

It’s generally safer.

And speaking of that garlic and apple juice from China... As much as I have issues with the USDA and food regulatory agencies in the US, I’m even more skeptical about the food regulations of third-world and developing countries which may not even have any regulations on food production, storage, and transportation. Let alone regulations and standards on the water supply or pollution.

And most importantly...

It connects me with the land and it feeds my soul.

As a Pagan, I worship the cycles of the Earth. My holidays are based in agricultural seasons: sowing, growing, harvesting, and lying fallow. Until the last century, people ate food in cycle with nature. They worked the land and in return it gave them life-sustaining food. They ate what was fresh and in season.

I worship the land, give offerings, and work with nature spirits where I live.  By eating food from the land that I live and worship on, it creates a relationship with land around me and creates a cycle of give and take. I may not tend to the plants that become my food, but this connect is made when I tend my flowers in my yard, when pick up litter in the stream that feeds into the same river that the farm uses as a reservoir for water, when I feed the birds that help pollination and the spreading of seeds to grow the farm's crops.

It makes me smile when I know that the land that I stand on also supports my body from the inside out.  It makes me care more what happens to this land I step on. It reminds me that I have an impact on the Earth, and that impact goes beyond the tiny speck of Earth that I am standing on. It makes me ask what more can I do? How far I can reach?

All these factors together make a huge impact on your health and environment. It all adds up, for the better.

For more information on eating local and CSAs, go to: http://www.localharvest.org/

Invictus

There is a lot of transition in the universe at the moment. The change is stressful. I see a lot of people I care about struggling. This poem got me through a lot.

"Invictus" by William Ernest Henley



Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

--written in 1875, published in The Book of Versus

Happy International Pagan Coming Out Day!

Some of us are out, some of us aren't, some of us still have one foot still in the broom closet. We all have several coming out stories to various friends, family, and known associates. I'm pretty out though I have some boundaries--I'm still in the closet at work. Basically, religion doesn't belong there. Seriously, I don't want to hear all about my co-worker teaching at bible school at her church either.

I'm out to most of my family, but honestly half of them don't get it. Like my parents. I've told them a few times, and I got nothing. So I've tried through the years to bring it up, to no avail. For example, if I set in my mind I'm going to tell them at dinner tonight, they start the dinner conversation with something like this. "So, I decided to drop by bible study this week and they were talking witches and how they poison people." Seriously...

My favorite is when they tell me that you can't trust messages through mediums because it could be the devil trying to trick you, and then they ask for a tarot reading. Okay...

My parents do know I don't believe in their version of Christianity even if I say that Jesus' teachings were wonderful and it's a shame most Christians don't follow them. They express how they wish I could be more spiritual. Bwa ha ha, if they only knew, if only they would listen!

Not being out to my parents is actually more amusing than anything. At this point, I don't get the feeling they're supposed to know. I have suspicious of why that is. All my grandparents were spiritually gifted, therefore so are my parents. My dad has the hookup with the nature and animal spirits, but he's not ready to deal--at least not in this lifetime. My birth mother was VERY Christian, but her and her sisters played with faeries as children and when I was little we talked to the flowers and plants in the garden and the trees and the birds and they squirrels... and they talked back. My poor step-mother has to deal with the crazy energy all around her--me, my dad, and my brother (who’s more hooked up than I, though he won't accept it). Poor woman can't make any sense of any of this crazy side of the family, but she really does try. 

So I will keep trying as hard as I can to get out to the parents. This year, in honor of IPCOD, I’ve decided to come out to the rest of my college friends. 

What’s one of your coming out stories?

To learn more about IPCOD, go to www.pagancomingoutday.org!