Neglect

Okay, I'm the first to admit this blog has been neglected since I was laid off. Not that I haven't had a million and one things to say, but because I've been going through a process and what seems profound one minute is overshadowed by the next great realization. Doh! This was more than losing a job, it's the end of a cycle of my life. So, it's the end of a career, the end of certain relationships, the end of certain patterns of behaviour. It's a loss on many levels that I needed to have in order to make room for what comes next. It's been interesting. I've definitely gone through the five stages of grief and loss, not in any particular order, and sometimes all at once.

One thing I have realized is how neglected my whole life was. I made excuses for staying somewhere that didn't serve me. Sure, in these time, any income, especially a fairly substantial one, it worth putting up with a lot. But at what cost? The job was so oppressive and stressful, I shut down and went into duck-and-cover survival mode and everything was effected. While I'll never be on an episode of "Hoarders" I have receipts and paper work dating back from 2007. Do I really need health care policy information for a job I started four years ago (and not even the one I just got laid off from)? I had a pile of sweaters in my bedroom from last spring that I never put away. Shelves that needed to be hung for over a year. There was even dust on the toilet paper holder. I had shopping bags with purchases sitting in the hall for weeks and months. This includes magickal supplies for rituals and spells I never performed. I have gained and lost the same twenty or thirty pounds several times. We aren't even going to mention I hadn't seen some of my siblings or my college roommates in almost two years and we certainly won't touch my other relationships.

You get the picture. I let a lot of things slide for the sake of a paycheck.

In the last five weeks, I haven't made a whole lot of progress, but I have completed some projects and I feel better. I'm changing some habits. I'm balancing my checkbook and paying attention to where and when I spend my money. I'm spending more time outside more, exercising, and eating better. I hung those shelves and even repainted the pantry. I've thrown out, recycled, and donated boxes and bags of things I don't need. I've taken numerous road trips to visit friends and family along the East Coast. And, most importantly, I'm reestablishing a regular spiritual practice and living up to the commitments I already made to the universe.

I'm actually pretty convinced that those spiritual commitments had something to do with these changing events, and I so am grateful. For the first time in a long time, I am hopeful. I didn't realize I had given up hope until she came back to me. Though it may seem like the universe took the rug out from under me, the universe has also given me all I need to weather this storm while I tend to the things that need my attention and to start co-creating the next chapter in my life. A chapter that is more in balance with what I need and what I can give.

So Mote it Be!

As One Door Closes...

I got laid off this week.

Sorry to make this announcement via a blog post, but in a lot of ways it's really not a big deal and I don't want to keep spending the energy talking about the end of a job. I want to focus on what's next. I've been here, done this. Four years ago, when the economy was just starting to tank. Four years ago, when I was already burned out on a stressful career. Four years ago, when I was in a financial nightmare and I freaked out and dove back into the same frustrating cycle.

I survived just fine then and this time it's different. This time is better. While this is a loss and I'm going through the greiving process, I was ready for the cycle to end. Two weeks ago, I had a moment at work and I just knew it was time to move on. While on vacation I made a four-to-six month plan to get my career and other areas of my life back into balance. Only, now I don't have six months, or do I? Maybe not in the way I thought, but I am much more financially stable and, while fairly small at this point, I do have secondary and teritary streams of income (maybe it's time to focus on those...). This gives me some time. I am going to take it and an use it wisely. I have been hungry for change in a lot of areas of my life, so when Mercury went retrograde, I asked for reversal of things in my life that weren't serving me. I got my wish and the opportunity to right the path I was on.

I don't want people to send me messages of condolence and tell me they're sorry to hear the news. Don't be. I'm actually really positive and hopeful about the gift of time to rest, learn about myself, and find my greater purpose and a vocation that will fulfill and feed me.

If you want send me anything. Send me energy to heal from the loss, energy of love and support as I search within myself to find my purpose and inner joy, and energy of luck and prosperity as I step out onto the next path of this life's journey.

I hope that isn't too much too ask, but you all know I would do it for you. I am so amazed at my support system of friends and family and I thank you. May all your blessings come back to you to the infinite degree.

Hugs and Blessings,

Maria

Warriors Wanted!

I don't generally consider myself a warrior. I'll admit, I lack the fire, but I'm an air sign, an artist, a creator and I can create some fire within when I need to. Right now, even if the Northeast is burning up with 100+ degree temperature and there are wildfires in the West, America needs some more heat, some more fire, more passion. No matter what your nature, it's time to light your inner fire. The world needs you.

I know we all have our numerous circles with which we interact. However, I have noticed that when there is need the same warriors show up for battle. This extends from my professional community where we are trying to establish standards to measure our industry's progress to my work community where we are trying to implement a new system, to my neighborhood where we are trying to prevent vandalism and crime and, of course, to my Pagan community. Whether it's building a Pagan spaces, fighting for Pagan rights, or combating spiritual warfare against Pagans, warriors arise. The same warriors...and it's time to welcome more to our ranks.
The news of DC40, Forty Days of Light Over D.C., an anti-Pagan campaign to lay siege on Washington, DC through strategic prayer by a neo-Pentacostal group is yet another fight that must be fought. This morning I was reading reactions to the stories from many of these warriors. Though they often have different perspectives and opinions, there is a group that stands up and speaks. These are our warriors. I am becoming one of them, I hope.
My voice is often heard through the Open Hearth Foundation and DC40 may be planning to target an event we co-sponsor, Samhain Drumming at the Jefferson Memorial, a DC tradition for almost 20 years, and personally one of the most beautiful and powerful public events I have ever attended [Waiting on confirmation].

Washington, DC is a symbol of American and was chosen for that reason. This is not a local problem, it's every American Pagans problem. Are you a warrior? Will you join us?

How can you get involved?

1. Get the facts. This story has already been covered by CapitalWitch, the DC bureau of the Pagan News Collective, as well as the Wild Hunt and local Pagan bloggers Literata and Hecate. These warriors have already taken a stand and moved to action.
   
   
2. Stay informed. Follow the site/blogs listed above as there will be continuing coverage of this situation. Follow the activities of DC40 so you can know what is going on and how you stay one step ahead.
   
   
3. Be a Warrior. Re-post these articles and links to your networks. These warriors are planning events and activities; join them or perform protection rituals and rites on your own. Be present when events are organized to take a stand and protect our beliefs and our city. Attend confirmed targeted events and show your pride in and solidarity with the local and larger Pagan communities. A warrior is not about conflict, it's about pride and standing up for yourself.

We may not always agree, but we are all a community of Pagans.

Samhain Drumming 2010

Rising Up After Falling Down

Yesterday, I posted about change and mentioned how several things have recently departed from my life. Today...another one bites the dust. A pet project at work that I first approached with gusto was reassigned. Let me add that it was received with resistance and essentially no resources; the resources I did have available were uninterested or tapped out and all funding for tools I requested was denied. This resulted in ugly tension flaring up with co-workers, so I made peace with my co-workers and myself, made due with what I had, and kept things afloat, Every once in a while I'd try again until I just became complacent and the status quo remained, well, the status quo. The burden has been removed. I should be relieved, right? Not so much. I mean, I was in the room for the transition because I failed. No matter how unreasonable the feat, no one is ever, or should be, content with failure.

Whether the circumstances above were a reason or an excuse doesn't matter. Even when some of the resistance moved out of my way I still didn't make it happen. The reins were taken away and given to someone else--someone new, someone who doesn't know what he's in for, quite frankly. Now I have a choice. I can hand over the keys to the kingdom and become the resistance that I myself had to face, or I can check my ego at the door and get on board to try to make this happen...again. I know what I should do, I know what I want to do, but what will I do?

Is the project going away making room for a bigger and better project or this the opportunity? One against the machine didn't work. Two against the machine? Maybe. Especially with one who has the gusto and the drive to move forward and one who has the experience and wisdom to know how and when to tread these waters.

For now, until I know if this is my opportunity, I will be the bigger person. I will turn my failure into a position of empowerment. We all stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. While I stood with my feet flat on the ground facing the wall, I can either ensure he has the same fate, or I can lift him up enough for him to peak over the top. Maybe I'll be such the bigger person that I can try--after all, I'm only 5"2 and 3/4'--and raise him up enough that he can choose to leap over.

Turn and Face the Strange...

In case you haven't noticed, this is a time of universal change on all levels. Economically, politically, energetically, spiritually, heck, even meteorologically ...there is stuff going on! These changes may be immediately obvious or the shift may be so deep it's hardly noticed on the surface, but the result renders your life almost unrecognizable.

I have been trying to harness these shifts to make positive changes for myself and to become more balanced and aligned. I have set aside my fears of the unknown and trust that the universe will provide me with what I need to best serve myself, my community, and the greater good.

There are three truths I have found with change.

1. No matter how wonderful the result is, change is rarely easy and generally not so comfortable.
2. There is proverb that says, "Change is the only constant." So just when you think you're all settled...BOOM...more change!
3. We only have the capacity for so much, if you are to accept new things, you must make room for them. And conversely, if something goes away, it will fill back up with whatever is available (so it's best to fill it yourself before something you don't want gets in there!).

I recently had some things in my life go away--a lot of things. Things I kind of really liked that, apparently, no longer served me. Things I enjoyed. Things I miss. I know they had to go, but I kind of feel a little empty.

Are the missing things the ones I would have chosen? Probably not. Would it have been nice to get shiny new things to make me not miss what was being letting go? Heck ya! But it doesn't work that way and it probably would have been a hassle anyhow. Like replacing a major appliance, there is only so much room in my kitchen, the old fridge had to go before the new one came in. Otherwise, you aren't excited for the new fridge by the time the old one leaves, you're just happy you don't have to run into the *@!#$^ thing every single time you want just a simple glass of water! Geeez!

So, in order to truly appreciate what is coming. I will take this time and this space to concentrate on the details of what I am working on manifesting in my life. However, knowing the tricky, trickster beings I work with, they will provide me with exactly what I ask for and it will look nothing like I imagined for myself. But because I gave up my fear of change and I trust my gods and guides, I have to know that what has left me is what was needed to go to make the changes I want possible.

Stay tuned. I'll keep ya posted!

Witches Where You Least Expect Them!

Last week I think I finally found a witch amongst my business colleagues. The subject of handfasting came up and she mentioned that was the ceremony of her wedding and after a few moments, she knew and I knew.

I had seen a few signs, a comment, some interesting jewelry and other symbols here and there. I had written her off as a techie, gamer chick, and I'm sure she thought I was a yuppie/weekend-hippie wannabe.

Anyway, I'm generally out at work. I don't hide my beliefs, but I don't advertise my religion because it's personal--I don't think who and how you worship is appropriate office conversation. No one introduces themselves at meeting, "Hi, I'm Joe and I'm a devout Catholic and really excited to work on this project with you."

Just like my co-worker who casually mentioned getting ready to teach at his church's bible summer camp, sometimes religion comes up. When it does, I'm honest--why wouldn't I be? For instance, about a year ago, some co-workers were talking about ghosts and spirits and I made a few comments, mostly to freak out the innocent, young software developers that sit in the back with the lights off most of the time (so fun, but too easy, I really shouldn't do it, but, it's so easy it's hard not to!) My boss asked me flat-out, "Are you a Wiccan or something?" and while I'm not Wiccan per se, it's a reference people make because it's one of the more accessible terms associated with Paganism. I could have said "No" and been honest, but he did say "or something" so I said, "Something like that." Not another word was spoken, I could have explained Paganism, but I didn't have to, because it was cool. Conversation moving along. If we get personal, we talk about our charity and environmental work. Where it comes from doesn't matter. I am a person, a professional, a humanitarian, and a steward of the environment.

This has happened with several other coworkers including company executives. Some are intrigued and have asked for more information, one even came to an open ritual, everyone else seems fine with it. After all, we're all just humans living a spiritual life the best way we know how.

And while being accepted and supported is great. It's those Secret Witch Moments, when you're not expecting them, that are not only are a lot of fun, but reassuring and comforting to know there are more of us out there than we think.

Blessed Be!

Being Awe and Wonder

I realized yesterday that it has been a long time since I used my "Power Circle." Basically, it's a disc of energy that I have empowered with feelings of confidence, courage, and success. I carry it around with me and when I need a boost of power, of these attributes, I simply place it on the ground in front of me and step into my power. No one ever knew. I just take a quick pause before stepping up to the podium to give a speech, knocking on the boss' door, or dialing a potential new client--and it made all the difference. I have been doing this practice for years until recently. I think as a person my magickal work has brought me closer to my true self and, while I have had to make some compromises in the last fewyears, I live in better alignment with my environment and circumstance and everyday I am happier, more successful, more powerful. I know it, I feel it, I live in my power. I think I thought I didn't need my power circle so I didn't use it because I have become the person I felt I was in the circle.

I was walking my dog yesterday and saw the actual chalk drawing in the photo above that one of the neighborhood kids drew on the sidewalk. It was what reminded me I hadn't used my power circle in a while and that maybe I still could, but now I could be more than powerful. I could be awesome! I laughed at the thought at first but then I thought more about it as I walked on. What could I do with more power? I promise I wouldn't be diabolical or anything. But, I could have more influence over my life and what I accomplish. I could give even more to help others and causes I care about. I could be more effective in everything I do. Frankly, I could be awesome.

And yes, awesome is so overused these days it's a total cliché and, well, borderline lame. But not to the kid that drew that awesome circle. Remember what awesome was like when you were a kid? What would it be like to be that awesome person you pretended you were when you were five years old? Well, I'm going to find out. I may not be able to fly or use a golden lasso, but I will have superpowers. Next time you see me, and I look down and take tiny step... be prepared for awesome!

Note: Power Circles are a practice I first read about in a book by Stacey DeMarco when I was a wee-little newbie witch. I have since refined the empowerment ritual to make it more personal to me and more in-line with my current magickal work, but its a worthwhile exercise. For more information, please go to: themodernwitch.com/powercircles.htm