Re-emergence

In case you haven't noticed, it's been a little quiet around here. It's not that I haven't had much to say, it's that I have too much to say and I can't even being to keep up with the changes. As many of you know, I have been unemployed since August. You would think I would have had plenty of time to write blogs. Nope. Basically, after the Summer Solstice, as the days became shorter and the darkness grew I was called to my inner self to confront and be embraced by my own darkness. The universe opened up space for me to slow down and let me cut the necessary ties so I could go inward. That is where I stayed. I had time all to myself. It wasn't pretty, it wasn't comfortable, but in retrospect it was an amazing time of introspection and healing and release. I can say on spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical levels I am a stronger, very different person in every way--and getting more so every day. Being unemployed was a gift and just when I started to worry about things like, say, oh, the mortgage, the universe provided. And the universe continues to provide me with gifts, as it probably always did, but the richness of this experience is that I now can not only see them, but they are almost always exactly what I need.

With the return of the sun and the expansive energy I am being pulled outward and am reopening to the world. A fresh start. After Yule, I started applying for jobs and got a few offers and start work again this week. I embarked on a deeper spiritual path and am on my way. I also started getting more opportunities to personally, professionally, and spiritually to do the work that makes me stronger and doesn't wear away at me slowly. I already know that this will lead me to my great work of this lifetime (what ever that may be). Not everyone is blessed with this opportunity and I am grateful.

Tomorrow marks the Lunar New Year, what a great week to get things started. It will be anything but quiet around here. So, even if it's just a cross-post to some of my larger projects, I promise to keep you posted because this stuff is really gonna be cool. Already, I've got a lot to do...

• several ongoing freelance marketing projects (including one I'm so excited about I want to burst and can't wait to tell everyone when it's time).
• writing a new food blog, just started
• creating a new technology blog, coming soon
• editing a least two more volumes of The Anthology of Occult Wisdom for Datura Press
• writing for the DC Bureau of the Pagan News Collective (capitalwitch.com)
• starting spiritual studies at Reflections Mystery School
• resurrecting Baltimore Pagan Pride Day
• supporting my favorite Pagan projects like the New Alexandrian Library in Delaware and the newly opened Open Hearth Pagan Community Center in DC.
• going to the Sacred Space Conference in February and Between the Worlds in December

...and every single day finding joy in:

• being an obsessive dog mom
• creating more intimate and meaningful connections with people
• spending more time with my humongous, crazy-in-a-good-way Italian family
• getting fit and healthy
• creating a welcoming, loving, magickal home
• finding the love for myself that only I can provide
  

Oh, and that full-time job I start this week.

It's a lot but the wheels are already in motion on most of it and it's already feeding my body, mind, and spirit in ways I never knew possible. I am living in positive abundance and there is more where that came. I wish the same for all of you.

Current Life Regression

Many of us have experienced past life regression as a method of healing, spiritual knowledge, etc. I have been part of a group regression and I have gotten information about my past lives during certain readings. Apparently, I have been an a Abbess in several past lives and while that is interesting and if I think about it, it could explain some things, like knowing every responsorial in a Catholic mass with no education and limited exposure in this lifetime. Nice party trick, er sort of, but I'm not to sure what I can do with it in this lifetime.

For the past several months, I have been doing a sort of "current life" regression. Going backward to try and reevaluate experiences and information from my past to see what impact they had on me. Knowing what I know now, would it have had the same effect on me, would I have made the same choice? The answer in most cases is no, because I am ostensibly wiser and have more knowledge and experience to base my reaction. The value is in asking "why?" What would my reaction be now? What wounds need to be healed? How can this experience or knowledge serve me better?

Looking at my self and my life from a different angle has been quite eye-opening. I always claimed to be quite self-actualized and I am usually the first person to call me on my sh*t, but the change of perspective has been in an interesting journey so far--and I'm only just hitting the high school years (ey, ey, ey). I've noticed an immediate change in some of my perspectives and have been able to find forgiveness and healing where sometimes I didn't know there was a huge wound. I have recognized patterns and removed myself from relationships and situations that don't serve me. I've also been able to recognize and often relive the experiences I denied my self in my younger days because I was more worried about the societal over-culture and what I "should" do.

To that end, it's also been a joy to rediscover the part of me that was a free-spirit. You know before student loans, mortgages, and adult responsibility came to be. I still am the young woman who moved from a small town of a few thousand people to Manhattan not knowing anyone because...why not? I can get a job there, right? I am also the girl who went abroad to Australia and wound up spending six weeks backpacking by myself through the Outback and the along coast and Great Barrier Reef, sleeping in hostels and on overnight buses, just because I was there and it could be done.

One day I may have an opportunity to do a past live regression and it will be interesting to see what I learn, but for now I will stick to what I can learn from and change in this one.

The Food Channel

Magic and food are synonymous. Besides the great feast after a rite, we all know about kitchen witchery, the art of cooking with magickal intent. Herbs, seeds, nuts, flowers, and fruits are used in spells and ritual magick all time, most of which are consumable. The energy you put into food can have a huge impact. For an amusing example, check out the scene in "Like Water for Chocolate" when Tita makes Quail in Rose Petal Sauce.

So cook with citrus or mint for a fresh, clean start, for our lovers we may add a dash of ginger to heat things up, for fertility we may throw in a banana (or are you just happy to see me, sorry couldn't not go there). Have you ever tried to bake bread when you are angry or stressed? It won't rise. So instead of checking the expiration date on the yeast that just won't bloody rise, check your attitude and blood pressure. It's hard to have a bad time at a big Italian dinner with all that basil and garlic banishing negativity and adding their love and protective qualities. My grandmother's secret ingredient was nutmeg, she put a pinch in everything, and why not? Nutmeg's magickal properties include luck, money, and health. Thanks, Grandma!

Adding magick to your food is powerful and fairly common, but what happens when your food communicates to you? Believe it or not, the universe gives you messages using food. I first experienced this a few years ago when I was laid off, the first time. The universe sent me pecans. I went to the store to buy walnuts to bake cookies and bought a 5 pound bag of pecans by accident, a few days later a family member returned from a New Orleans business trip and brought back pecan pralines, then a friend invited me over for dinner and we had pecan-encrusted chicken. Still not seeing any connection, the universe had to push harder, so I found a single in-shell pecan sitting in my pantry and when I went to color my hair I noticed the dye shade was called Pecan. Seeing the word in writing was my ah-ha moment or at least a "Gee, I seem to be finding a lot of pecans lately." So I looked up the magickal properties of Pecans, which were employment and money. Duh, I was unemployed and in a sticky real estate situation that was draining my savings. So I put that in-shell pecan on my altar, started working with pecans in spell work and providing pecans as offerings. It worked, I had a job within weeks. Two other friends also incorporated pecans into their magickal workings with success.

It's happened with a few other foods through out the years. Then, this morning I was eating a lovely, gooey peace of coffee cake a friend baked for me. It was full of cinnamony goodness. Hmmm, cinnamon... I added cinnamon to my coffee last week. I have been on a snickerdoodle-is-my-favorite-cookie kick lately. I described this kick to a friend and when I visited her in NY two weeks ago. Instead of her usual, famous

chocolate-chip shortbread, she made me snickerdoodle shortbread (OMG!). When cleaning out my kitchen last month, I noticed I was low on cinnamon, so I went to the store and the huge 24 oz. container of cinnamon that was on sale for cheaper than the 8 oz. jar. So like with the pecans, I'm all stocked up to add some cinnamon to my magickal work, which is gonna be good for all the deep spiritually and healing work I'm doing, as well as for protection, love, and knowledge. Cinnamon is going to get me through yet another time of change in my life (I might add a few pecans since I need a job, too). I'm not sure I'm ready scry in my soup, just yet, but I'm glad I knew to listen to the universes message.

What is your food trying to tell you?

Neglect

Okay, I'm the first to admit this blog has been neglected since I was laid off. Not that I haven't had a million and one things to say, but because I've been going through a process and what seems profound one minute is overshadowed by the next great realization. Doh! This was more than losing a job, it's the end of a cycle of my life. So, it's the end of a career, the end of certain relationships, the end of certain patterns of behaviour. It's a loss on many levels that I needed to have in order to make room for what comes next. It's been interesting. I've definitely gone through the five stages of grief and loss, not in any particular order, and sometimes all at once.

One thing I have realized is how neglected my whole life was. I made excuses for staying somewhere that didn't serve me. Sure, in these time, any income, especially a fairly substantial one, it worth putting up with a lot. But at what cost? The job was so oppressive and stressful, I shut down and went into duck-and-cover survival mode and everything was effected. While I'll never be on an episode of "Hoarders" I have receipts and paper work dating back from 2007. Do I really need health care policy information for a job I started four years ago (and not even the one I just got laid off from)? I had a pile of sweaters in my bedroom from last spring that I never put away. Shelves that needed to be hung for over a year. There was even dust on the toilet paper holder. I had shopping bags with purchases sitting in the hall for weeks and months. This includes magickal supplies for rituals and spells I never performed. I have gained and lost the same twenty or thirty pounds several times. We aren't even going to mention I hadn't seen some of my siblings or my college roommates in almost two years and we certainly won't touch my other relationships.

You get the picture. I let a lot of things slide for the sake of a paycheck.

In the last five weeks, I haven't made a whole lot of progress, but I have completed some projects and I feel better. I'm changing some habits. I'm balancing my checkbook and paying attention to where and when I spend my money. I'm spending more time outside more, exercising, and eating better. I hung those shelves and even repainted the pantry. I've thrown out, recycled, and donated boxes and bags of things I don't need. I've taken numerous road trips to visit friends and family along the East Coast. And, most importantly, I'm reestablishing a regular spiritual practice and living up to the commitments I already made to the universe.

I'm actually pretty convinced that those spiritual commitments had something to do with these changing events, and I so am grateful. For the first time in a long time, I am hopeful. I didn't realize I had given up hope until she came back to me. Though it may seem like the universe took the rug out from under me, the universe has also given me all I need to weather this storm while I tend to the things that need my attention and to start co-creating the next chapter in my life. A chapter that is more in balance with what I need and what I can give.

So Mote it Be!

As One Door Closes...

I got laid off this week.

Sorry to make this announcement via a blog post, but in a lot of ways it's really not a big deal and I don't want to keep spending the energy talking about the end of a job. I want to focus on what's next. I've been here, done this. Four years ago, when the economy was just starting to tank. Four years ago, when I was already burned out on a stressful career. Four years ago, when I was in a financial nightmare and I freaked out and dove back into the same frustrating cycle.

I survived just fine then and this time it's different. This time is better. While this is a loss and I'm going through the greiving process, I was ready for the cycle to end. Two weeks ago, I had a moment at work and I just knew it was time to move on. While on vacation I made a four-to-six month plan to get my career and other areas of my life back into balance. Only, now I don't have six months, or do I? Maybe not in the way I thought, but I am much more financially stable and, while fairly small at this point, I do have secondary and teritary streams of income (maybe it's time to focus on those...). This gives me some time. I am going to take it and an use it wisely. I have been hungry for change in a lot of areas of my life, so when Mercury went retrograde, I asked for reversal of things in my life that weren't serving me. I got my wish and the opportunity to right the path I was on.

I don't want people to send me messages of condolence and tell me they're sorry to hear the news. Don't be. I'm actually really positive and hopeful about the gift of time to rest, learn about myself, and find my greater purpose and a vocation that will fulfill and feed me.

If you want send me anything. Send me energy to heal from the loss, energy of love and support as I search within myself to find my purpose and inner joy, and energy of luck and prosperity as I step out onto the next path of this life's journey.

I hope that isn't too much too ask, but you all know I would do it for you. I am so amazed at my support system of friends and family and I thank you. May all your blessings come back to you to the infinite degree.

Hugs and Blessings,

Maria

Warriors Wanted!

I don't generally consider myself a warrior. I'll admit, I lack the fire, but I'm an air sign, an artist, a creator and I can create some fire within when I need to. Right now, even if the Northeast is burning up with 100+ degree temperature and there are wildfires in the West, America needs some more heat, some more fire, more passion. No matter what your nature, it's time to light your inner fire. The world needs you.

I know we all have our numerous circles with which we interact. However, I have noticed that when there is need the same warriors show up for battle. This extends from my professional community where we are trying to establish standards to measure our industry's progress to my work community where we are trying to implement a new system, to my neighborhood where we are trying to prevent vandalism and crime and, of course, to my Pagan community. Whether it's building a Pagan spaces, fighting for Pagan rights, or combating spiritual warfare against Pagans, warriors arise. The same warriors...and it's time to welcome more to our ranks.
The news of DC40, Forty Days of Light Over D.C., an anti-Pagan campaign to lay siege on Washington, DC through strategic prayer by a neo-Pentacostal group is yet another fight that must be fought. This morning I was reading reactions to the stories from many of these warriors. Though they often have different perspectives and opinions, there is a group that stands up and speaks. These are our warriors. I am becoming one of them, I hope.
My voice is often heard through the Open Hearth Foundation and DC40 may be planning to target an event we co-sponsor, Samhain Drumming at the Jefferson Memorial, a DC tradition for almost 20 years, and personally one of the most beautiful and powerful public events I have ever attended [Waiting on confirmation].

Washington, DC is a symbol of American and was chosen for that reason. This is not a local problem, it's every American Pagans problem. Are you a warrior? Will you join us?

How can you get involved?

1. Get the facts. This story has already been covered by CapitalWitch, the DC bureau of the Pagan News Collective, as well as the Wild Hunt and local Pagan bloggers Literata and Hecate. These warriors have already taken a stand and moved to action.
   
   
2. Stay informed. Follow the site/blogs listed above as there will be continuing coverage of this situation. Follow the activities of DC40 so you can know what is going on and how you stay one step ahead.
   
   
3. Be a Warrior. Re-post these articles and links to your networks. These warriors are planning events and activities; join them or perform protection rituals and rites on your own. Be present when events are organized to take a stand and protect our beliefs and our city. Attend confirmed targeted events and show your pride in and solidarity with the local and larger Pagan communities. A warrior is not about conflict, it's about pride and standing up for yourself.

We may not always agree, but we are all a community of Pagans.

Samhain Drumming 2010

Rising Up After Falling Down

Yesterday, I posted about change and mentioned how several things have recently departed from my life. Today...another one bites the dust. A pet project at work that I first approached with gusto was reassigned. Let me add that it was received with resistance and essentially no resources; the resources I did have available were uninterested or tapped out and all funding for tools I requested was denied. This resulted in ugly tension flaring up with co-workers, so I made peace with my co-workers and myself, made due with what I had, and kept things afloat, Every once in a while I'd try again until I just became complacent and the status quo remained, well, the status quo. The burden has been removed. I should be relieved, right? Not so much. I mean, I was in the room for the transition because I failed. No matter how unreasonable the feat, no one is ever, or should be, content with failure.

Whether the circumstances above were a reason or an excuse doesn't matter. Even when some of the resistance moved out of my way I still didn't make it happen. The reins were taken away and given to someone else--someone new, someone who doesn't know what he's in for, quite frankly. Now I have a choice. I can hand over the keys to the kingdom and become the resistance that I myself had to face, or I can check my ego at the door and get on board to try to make this happen...again. I know what I should do, I know what I want to do, but what will I do?

Is the project going away making room for a bigger and better project or this the opportunity? One against the machine didn't work. Two against the machine? Maybe. Especially with one who has the gusto and the drive to move forward and one who has the experience and wisdom to know how and when to tread these waters.

For now, until I know if this is my opportunity, I will be the bigger person. I will turn my failure into a position of empowerment. We all stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. While I stood with my feet flat on the ground facing the wall, I can either ensure he has the same fate, or I can lift him up enough for him to peak over the top. Maybe I'll be such the bigger person that I can try--after all, I'm only 5"2 and 3/4'--and raise him up enough that he can choose to leap over.